Feelings. A pet? Or a knife in the back?

What the hell is with this thing we call feelings?  I can't seem to get the hang of them. I'm like the Mr. Bean of feelings. Here is a little fun fact, being a people pleaser and also a feeler is a pretty miserable combo. 10/10 times you feel like flying the double bird high enough so that everyone can see your majestic double duece! But most of the time, you say sorry cause that is easier and you don't want people to be mad at you. Not terrible, just miserable.

See, I hear it's not good to suppress emotion and I would agree with that BUT, this my friends is the boot camp I am in. Pretty sure all I have ever done is suppress my emotions thinking i was controlling it. I'm starting to realize that doing that confuses life to the mother max because your not only confusing the hell out of people your closest to, but you are confusing the hell out of yourself. 

Why am I upset? What about this situation is making me upset? Who knows? I sure don't. This is what it does. Your just an emotional basket case and to make matters worse no one knows how to help you. I mean, it's much more complicated then it sounds, throw in a ton of insecurity, a dash of depression, and add the cynicism on top and you have the recipe for a crap sandwich. But this is me. This crap sandwich is me, and I will admit that. I just don't really know what life looks like actually dealing with what I am feeling. Not dismissing it, and not letting other people dismis it, (that's hard for me). Dealing with what I feel, what is in front of me. I've been treating "feelings" like a pet or a knife in the back. I don't think they should be either. Keep your feelings on a leash like a good pet... You let them off? Now you pissed someone off? Damn you Brady, now you got to focus on getting the knife out of your back that you put there.

Yikes. I need a paper bag.